Wazap wazap!

This is a story about a friend named Asrif, who also responds to the name Ass-rif, or Ass-fuck. We used to meet every weekend and almost every other day until about a little over year ago when he fell in love.

He has a great voice which sounds even better when he sings. Maybe it is because he is black.

He is an excellent story teller. I have seen girls who literally drool listening to him speak, and it's not hard to imagine that some girls would masturbate to his blog. He is that good and again,maybe because he is black.

He is a virgin (not for long now) which has nothing to do with his skin color. He is just a great guy with the kindest heart. And for that he got rewarded with heaven on earth, he met his soulmate.

I have known the guy for years. It was intimidating at first as he kept using rap slang which he did effortlessly. But as he frequented my apt to learn html from my roommate then, i grew to tolerate his stupid jokes and lies. and when he took a sip of that Coke mixed with my cigarretes' ashes, I knew that we're gonna be brothers forever.

We share the same life principle, that it should be simple. I like everything simple because I pretty much have to due to limited resource. But he on the other hand, keeps it simple by choice. I respect him for that. Also with the talents he has, he could have gone on different routes, and would have been successful in any of them. A little more effort, Fed Hi would be more famous than it already is. Not a very creative name for a blues band but they are good.

It was Friday night when he wasn't there with us trying to make us laugh. He was on a date at some sushi place with a girl he met at lunch earlier that week. I didn't give it much thought and assumed that he was just horny, just like the rest of them losers. Had I known that that date was the beginning of something very beautiful, deep and meaningful, well, I still wouldnt do anything about it.

Weeks went by without news from him. Maybe he did tell me what was going on with him then over the phone. Maybe I just didn't care enough to remember. Then one day, after a series of cancellations, there he was and standing next to him was this sweet, beautiful girl with a smile to die for. the way Yaya look at him, I could tell that she was really into him. Couldn't really see Asrif then as we were at the movies and it was dark, but knowing him, I knew that he was crazy about the girl. Would hv whispered to him right then and there about how lucky they were to have found each other but could not turn my head away from the screen not wanting to miss any scene from the movie twilight tbat was playing. What a great movie that was.

***

"Aku rasa she's the one la Wang. Aku jatuh cinta terus sudah." The first thing?he said?when we met for the first time in months to which I did not respond. I was dissappointed as I thought we could talk about something other than him being in love. Or he could hv told me if he'd been getting some, because it had been a while for me. And I would settle with some updates in the porn industry. But no, he kept talking about this amazing wonderful feeling he was having.?When I thought he was done talking, he took a deep breath, pointed to the sun and said, "cantik bukan sunset itu?" As if that wasn't awkward enough, he then went on and announced the end of his 20-year relationship with his left hand? and retirement from being Avy Scott's no 1 fan. Ass-rif dah byk berubah!

***

A few more days to his wedding and I can't be more excited. Truth is, the wedding is all my friends and I talk about for months now even though most of them are more interested in the night after the wedding. And I am really looking forward to attending the wedding, to celebrate the unity of two most beautiful souls ive ever known and be part of history.

I have learned a lot from these two lovebirds. From watching them talk and look at each other, from what Ass-rif has told me the three or four times we hung out last year, what he told me last weekend, and what they write to each other on Twitter which requires a dictionary of love to understand. From them ive learned that true love exists, and it doesnt have to be complicated.

Selamat Pengantin Baru, Asrif dan Yaya.

"Your name reminded me of you. Because obviously that is your name. So when I see your name, i ll always be reminded of someone, the owner of that particular name. You. You with your own name."
-Izzudin Ab Rahim, CLEO's 51st most eligible bachelor

I had 2 weeks to talk myself out of it while i could just wait and let nature run its course like i always do. Nyot nyot nyot. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Blah.

Hujan yg turun sejak petang tadi sudah berhenti. yg tggl cuma titis-titis kecil  air yg berlumba-lumba utk terjun dr atap ke muka bumi. Atau longkang. Bulan bersembunyi di balik awan gelap. Bintang-bintang tidak kelihatan... suasana damai. sesekali kelihatan kumpulan anak2 gadis, tubuh dilitupi telekung berjalan sopan menuju ke dewan besar.

Mlm kebiasaannya dewan itu sepi dan gelap gelita, malam itu meriah. terang benderang. Sebagaiman lima malam sebelumnya. kerusi-kerusi yg biasnya memenuhi dewan diganti dgn hamparan tikar dan sejadah. ruang dalam dewan dipenuhi dgn pelajar-pelajar lelaki dan perempuan, warden2 dan sebilangan cikgu.

Di satu sudut berdekatan dgn tabir pemisah antara jemaah lelaki dan wanita, Abu duduk bersila dgn kepalanya menghadap ke lantai. Wajahnya kelihatan runsing.

Tidak lama kemudian matanya terarah kepada susuk tubuh seorang cikgu yg sedang tekun membaca kitab himpunan hadith. Terpancar cahaya ketenagan dr riak mukanya. mungkin datang dari keikhlasan mendidik anak2 bangsa dan kesungguhannya dlm menegakkan syiar islam d bumi borneo itu. perwataannya sederhana dan pertuturan lembut walapupun kadangkala tajam menusuk.

Adunan bunyi-bunyi dari bacaan al-quran, bisik2 halus dan manja dari sebelah tabir dan suara-suara dr kumpulan-kumpulan yg rancak berbual terhenti, memberi laluan untuk azan isyak.alunan suara lembut tapi bertenaga, butiran ayat2 jelas dan tegas memuji kebesaran ilahi memecah keheningan.

Azan tamat. Inilah masanya, fikir Abu. Perlahan-perlahan mendekati cikgu itu yg kini sudah menutup kitab tebal berwarna putih itu.

"assalamualaikum cikgu"

"waalaikumussalam."

"cikgu, sia mau tanya sikit bulih ka? dlm bulan puasa, syaitan, iblis kena ikat bah kan? Habis kenapa masi juga ada orang jahat, mencuri dan sebagainya?"

"oh. sebelum cikgu jawab soalan tu cikgu nak tanya dulu. sekarang dah berapa tahun negara kita merdeka? "

"Suda 37 tahun mungkin, cikgu. Sia rasa lah."

"Betul. Sedihnya, masih ramai lagi antara kita yg masih dijajah mindanya. Ratusan tahun dibelenggu penjajahan telah sedikit sebanyak menghakis keyakinan diri utk maju sendiri. Dalam diri setiap kita terdapat rasa kagum terhadap negara-negara bekas penjajah ini hinggakan kita gigih meniru mereka dan ada masanya mengorbankan nilai-nilai kita sendiri untuk mencapai taraf moden mengikut definisi mereka.

Mereka kata fenomena y2k akan mengakibatkan kerosakan yg besar, kita percaya. mereka kata Iraq menyembunyikan Weapon of Mass Destruction pun kita angguk sahaja."
 
"Tapi cikgu, y2k tu apa? dan sia tida paham tu pasal Weapon of Mass Destruction tu."

"Tak mengapa Abu, Syah sedang cuba menulis secara kreatif.  Sambungan pada penerangan cikgu tadi, itulah tamsilannya bagi peranan iblis dalam megnhasut manusia ke arah kejahatan."

tamsilan tu apa pula cikgu? soal Abu dalam hati. kalau disuarakan takut tambah panjang lagi ceramah dari cikgu kesayangannya itu.

"Iblis dan syaitan-syaitan bekerja keras menggoda manusia kepada kemungkaran. Bersejentakan hiburan yg mengasyikkan, muzik yang melalaikan, wanita-wanita yg menggiurkan dalam cubaan utk membuatkan manusia lupa pada janji mereka kepada yg Maha Pencipta. Mereka bekerja tanpa henti untuk memastikan manusia sukakan maksiat, bencikan ibadat. Helah yg dipakai adakalanya besar dan jelas, tapi selalunya amat halus yg mana lebih bahaya dan besar mudharatnya.

Dan di bulan ramadhan, walaupun syaitan dan iblis diikat atau dirantai, hati yg sudah biasa lalai, nafsu yg sentiasa dibelai manja mengambil alih peranan untuk terus menghanyutkan manusia di dalam noda kemaksiatan."
 
Iqamat bergema dan jemaah perlahan-perlahan memenuhi saf-saf depan.

"Terimakasih, cikgu, Sia faham suda sikit2." kata Abu yg sedang menahan diri daripada menguap. Dia masih berpendapat yg soalannya dapat dijawab dgn satu ayat ringkas bukan panjang berjela lengkap dgn tamsilan. Ketika itu dia tidak sedar apa yg diterangkan cikgu itu tadi mungkin dapat juga dijadikan bahan utk ditulisnya 15 tahun akan datang, walaupun butirannya agak kabur, ketika bosnya tiada di pejabat dan tggl 4 jam lagi sbl berbuka puasa.

Kini kerunsingan sudah berkurang. Abu sudah mula redha dgn kehilangan buku komik Dragon Ball yg baru dibelinya.  Sesiapapun yg mengambilnya, apa pun alasannya, mungkin mereka lebih memerlukannya. Lagipun, Abu sudahpun selesai membacanya, meskipun masih belum puas.

Soalan sudah terjawab, keetnangan sedikit terasa namun kekhusyukkan solatnya masih terganggu. Sudah masuk rakaat kelima tarawih fikirannya masih khayal meniti baris-baris lirik dari lagu yg belum ditulis oleh sebuah kumpulan yg mungkin belum wujud ketika itu

 Ketika jiwamu ... merasuk ke dalam
Aliran darahku dan meracuniku ...
Ketika jiwamu ... memeluk hatiku
Dan biarkan jiwaku ... cumbui jiwamu

Mistikus Cinta - Dewa

Went to have my timing belt replaced last week. It was about time according to the manual. Almost changed my mind when the timing belt was finally in view as it looked flawless. I really thought it could go for another 20k km or so even though the mechanics didn't seem to agree. it took them a good half an hour to convince me to replace it as I was under the impression that they were just after my money. Finally, fear for my life,i nodded, giving them the go-ahead. and slowly they put away the wrenches that they were gonna use to whack some sense into my head a minute before.

As they continued to work the engine, putting the belt and everything, my mind started to wander and appropriately set to the first time i laid my eyes on the car in that show room.

****

It was instant chemistry and it's safe to say that it was love at first sight, even though my true love had always been Lamborghini something. But hey, with what i made back then, I was lucky that there was a bank that would approve my loan.

One week later, I was already on the driver seat getting honked at for the first time. It took me a month to get used to the car, and the ever confusing roads of Kuala Lumpur.

I drove by myself most of the time accompanied by the songs from my mix cd, fully aware of how uneconomical and bad for the environment it was. But there was nothing i could do. My car just wasn't very inviting to those looking for a ride.

On rare occasions, I did hv somebody riding with me for reasons I didn't really want to know. It was good enough i had somebody to talk to, and help me navigate as I didn't have a good sense of direction, as evident throughout the course of my life. We'd exchange stories, wait. Not really. Actually, I'd listen to her stories, her views on life, etc. Very interesting stories indeed and almost always inspiring. And when it was my turn to talk, I'd just tell some stupid jokes. And she had no choice but to laugh or else I'd kick her ass out of the car. Zasss!!!

Just when i thought there was something going on between us, her journey with me would come to an end, and i had to let her go.And then it was just me and the car. I continued driving and hoped for the next passenger to be somebody that i could drive around forever. And share gas money with. Or not. Whatever.

*****

The car has served me since 2006 and never failed me once. Oh actually, it has failed once, but that was when my sister borrowed it. And since i wasn't around then, she had to pay for the new battery. And I never plan to pay her back. Hahaha. Other than that, my car has been great even though i am not very generous when it comes to maintenance, which i always do at the very last minute with the cheapest possible option.

So thank you. Thank you for getting me where i wanted to be, to be there for me when nobody else would, to stay strong and sexy even after hitting that dog to its death. RM 600 was a small price to pay for all that you have done.. and its not even PROTON original parts. One day once I have enough money, i'll get you a new, much better engine so you won't feel so small parking next to Zara. Oh, I have yet to give you a name. I will soon. Boo Kean Soon

******

Right now there's somebody on the passenger seat who i hope is headed for the same destination as i am. And i haven't asked where she wants to go as I am terrified of what her answer might be. Living in denial is not so bad....

What the fuck? Putu piring accumulated give it a try merangkul Pakcik Wassup. Blah.

Mungkin Aku Pernah Juga Merasakan Cinta
Tapi Tak Pernah Seindah Ini
Mungkin Aku Juga Pernah Merasakan Rindu
Tapi Tak Pernah Sedalam Ini

Mungkin Kamu Tak Kan Pernah Percaya
Bahwa Sesungguhnya Aku Telah Terjatuh

Ku Akui Aku Telah Larut
Larut Ke Dalam Kamu Yang Kucintai

DEWA - Larut

Compaq Presario Celeron 500Mhz with 64MB memory (refurbished):
And a CRT monitor weighing as much as did.My first computer I bought which was during the peak of babyrina's popularity.
The computer was working great until it stopped working a few months and 5 GB worth of pictures and videos of nature's beauty  later. And as a student who depended solely on monthly allowance, which was never enough by the way, sending the computer for repair was a luxury I couldn't afford. Couldn't bear watching it just   sitting there rotting, I stepped up, learned everything there was to know about computers and I've been the 'expert' since. I just need to shut it when the real computer expert, i.e Nash (not the singer), Hongkuda is around.

Informatics (IT's cousin from its mother's side).
was my major. I always knew that I'd never make it into business school. Having to repeat a basic 1 credit hour accounting course for the second time was already a sign that I wasn't cut out to be a proud owner of a business degree but I continued taking business courses hoping for a miracle to happen, or some sort of computer glitch that would put my name on the list. Three years and that didn't happen, seb baik informatics nak amik aku.
Informatics is the science of information, the practice... (more definition here). But in my own stupid words:
"Informatics nih mcm IT aaa, ke mcm computer science. Lebih kurang aaa tuh. Belajar banyak benda, tapi mostly basic stuff, u r not gonna be an expert on any of the stuff taught  but good enough you can be somebody around those who use their 20k laptops just to update their status on Facebook..
Hmm, Walaupun building dia buruk, tapi students, lecturers sume warm and friendly, tak mcm bebudak kat business school, stuck up nak mampus, heheh (not you of course)....
Most importantly, ko boleh transfer sume credit, so takde la rugi 10 taun ko kat u tak grad grad...."

Construction
How I got into the industry was merely coincidental (accidental?unfortunate?the company's bad luck?). The boss was desperate for some guy with some sort of IT background, and I was desperate to get out of being a "sales and marketing executive", as i'd found it almost impossible to plan and strategize the best marketing effort while knocking on office doors trying to sell prepaid phone cards.
A couple of years in, the only accomplishment that I can be proud of is knowing a big shot in the construction authority, who is now good looking, talented and knows what he wants, Waja for Waja, even though Proton will launch a Waja Replacement Model early next year, resembling Mitsubishi Lancer, i heard. Transfer 25% gaji kau kat aku every month bai.

Awang
is high on life. No syringe, no pills, nothing like that. Just old-fashioned get together with close friends, laughing uncontrollably at each other's jokes,which are actually not that funny except for my jokes which are hilarious that they shit their pants everytime I come up with something, literally. It's all good except when the laughing stops, the reality kicks in, at which point we ahve to acknowledge  that we are just a bunch of lonely guys desperate for any kind of attention with one of us is contemplating to come out of the closet, which we are all against as no gay fucks in their right mind would want to fuck him in the ass.

A
It takes two to fly a kite, one to hold the string and the other ready to throw the kite up in the air. Coordination is the key. Pull the string too soon, you will break it, or get your palm burn. Release the kite when the other is busy lighting his cigarrette, the kite will end up on the ground, and you will have to say out loud, "Babi takde angin sial", but looking at your blushing face, people can tell you are just a city girl who has no clue.
Yes, you can still fly a kite by yourself, just be ready to run like crazy, and careful not to trip on something when you do. Or, take it to one of the beaches there, when u r not playing that sport? that u love , of course. The strong ocean wind will do great, the kite will be set on auto cruise in no time with little to no effort on your part. You dont have to but you can pull it lightly when it gets boring, and trust me it will. And it's ok to admire all the other fancy kites flying freely around yours, but dont get too close as you dont want to get tangled with serious problem later. Keep it casual and have fun.


Dah aaa... Blah.

They have been asking for my heart, or is it my liver, for quite some time now. Never mind that, they are all idiots. At least they keep me entertained while Im trapped deep inside what they call 'telaga asmaradana'.

When I built that wall around me not long ago, it was to protect me from another heart break which also an excuse for me to ignore people around me. And I kept on adding layer after layer until there was a little room for me to breathe. I was suffocating with no one to blame but myself. Good thing I left a key to a dear friend, who visited from time to time.

She would just sit there and smile while I complained about my shitty life, the injustice of the world etc. If she was like any other person she'd either kill me or herself (whichever easier), because the story I was telling was just too depressing and too much for one person to handle.

Occasionally she would take my hand, guide me outside, and teach me to see the world the way she sees it. And from that angle I began to see all kinds of possibilities and most importantly I could see that there's still Hope, if not here, maybe in some strip clubs.

She was the only person that I could open up to, be vulnerable with then. And slowly, with her on my side or in my fantasy, I was becoming friend with the world again. At the same time, my feelings towards her grew bigger and bigger, which might be the best explanation for the sudden ten kg increase in my weight, because I dont look any heavier.

In an effort to stop those feelings from messing up what we have, I've been trying to make myself comfortable in the 'friend zone' with her which was supposedly more than enough. That was the deal anyway. I knew her and myself well enough to accept the fact that she was way out of my league.





Fling or no fling (nak credit tak?), She has done a lot in getting me prepared to face the world again. Things now are back to normal, and some are even better. I get to play the never ending game of hide and seek with the 'blessing', even though I keep on losing (no surprise there).  

Most importantly, I have regained the function of my left brain, which enables me to say 'Hello World' in 37 languages. And after idling for a couple of months, I can get back to mastering .net, vb,c, AJAX, PHP, SQL, etc. Just the terms and what each of them stands for, to add to my bullshit vocabulary list so that I will be more convincing when meeting my prospective clients. And nothing is more calming than sitting in front of my computer writing lines and lines of stupid codes. And when I do, nothing else matter that even Maria Ozawa gets ignored, mosaic or not. What can I say, I am just a geek trapped inside another geek's body.

I think Fed Hi is cool, Not the vocalist, though. He sucks and is definitely not funny.

't' besar und.... ops... blah.

Wait. I dont need anybody to speak on my behalf. And when I talk to you, the message is meant for you, unless I tell you otherwise.Don't try to act all nice asking people to take care of me, cheer me up. They are my friends and that's what they have been doing. Sometimes a bit too much, though. But that's ok. They mean well.

The other night means nothing. Maybe for you it does but I have moved on long ago. Hard to believe, right? especially when you think so highly of yourself. I had to break my promise to my mom not to call you, just so that you'd understand what's going on, because it seemed like you didn't.

When I said that I'd hate you to the death, I meant it. And when I was looking for you the other day, I was really going to kill you. No bluff. No drama. Nobody threatens me with death. Lucky you weren't there. And if that boyfriend of yours want to 'introduce' himself to 'us' who are not sure what he is capable of, be my guest. And 'we' is not gonna be there. Just me. And you know where I live.

What you have done, to me, to some others, made you a bad person, that's a fact. Please stop looking the bad in other people, hoping you are not alone. You are just going to humiliate yourself even more. I have never planned to manipulate you, and people are not out to get you. We just want to move on with our lives. Please. The world doesn't revolve around you.

You have admitted what you did was wrong, and apologized many times for it. But its hard to find sincerity in that when you keep responding in rather unpleasant way to people who are just reacting to the situation, which is the appropriate emotion to what's happened. It's true that its none of their business but you sort of make it theirs starting with the shameless posting of you know what. If anything, your confession has only made it look like that you're actually proud of it.

Yes. I have been meeting other people, right after I have done everything to try save our marriage. You didn't expect me to just sit in my room, face on the pillow crying blood, did you? I have found someone in the process, an angel I might say, sweetest girl, who can magically make all my pain disappear. She doesnt even have to love me to make me feel special. Just her company calms me down and makes me forget to kill anybody.

Court date? Don't worry, it's coming. A bit complicated, but as I mentioned many times, I'll let you know if I ever need your help, and the court will be contacting you. And I dont know any judge to help speed things up. Just like you, I want this to be over soon. It's gonna be like a graduation to me, DARI SEKOLAH CINTA.

Last but not least, hmmmmmm.... ntah. Takyah la.


Blah.



ps: Esah, ko jangan tah plang cerita sama mamita n budak2 sm.esh. Heh. Palui.

The recovery process is now complete. Knowing how tiny we are in the eyes of Allah, I don't give a shit if somewhere there are two stupid little ants getting it on, making sugar of their own and seem very proud of it. I will stay in the line together with the other ants, marching towards the promised sugar, which I was told is super sweet and the best in town.


hatiku sudah rusak teruk,
pinjam dulu hatimu ya ?

Blah.