Compaq Presario Celeron 500Mhz with 64MB memory (refurbished):
And a CRT monitor weighing as much as did.My first computer I bought which was during the peak of babyrina's popularity.
The computer was working great until it stopped working a few months and 5 GB worth of pictures and videos of nature's beauty  later. And as a student who depended solely on monthly allowance, which was never enough by the way, sending the computer for repair was a luxury I couldn't afford. Couldn't bear watching it just   sitting there rotting, I stepped up, learned everything there was to know about computers and I've been the 'expert' since. I just need to shut it when the real computer expert, i.e Nash (not the singer), Hongkuda is around.

Informatics (IT's cousin from its mother's side).
was my major. I always knew that I'd never make it into business school. Having to repeat a basic 1 credit hour accounting course for the second time was already a sign that I wasn't cut out to be a proud owner of a business degree but I continued taking business courses hoping for a miracle to happen, or some sort of computer glitch that would put my name on the list. Three years and that didn't happen, seb baik informatics nak amik aku.
Informatics is the science of information, the practice... (more definition here). But in my own stupid words:
"Informatics nih mcm IT aaa, ke mcm computer science. Lebih kurang aaa tuh. Belajar banyak benda, tapi mostly basic stuff, u r not gonna be an expert on any of the stuff taught  but good enough you can be somebody around those who use their 20k laptops just to update their status on Facebook..
Hmm, Walaupun building dia buruk, tapi students, lecturers sume warm and friendly, tak mcm bebudak kat business school, stuck up nak mampus, heheh (not you of course)....
Most importantly, ko boleh transfer sume credit, so takde la rugi 10 taun ko kat u tak grad grad...."

Construction
How I got into the industry was merely coincidental (accidental?unfortunate?the company's bad luck?). The boss was desperate for some guy with some sort of IT background, and I was desperate to get out of being a "sales and marketing executive", as i'd found it almost impossible to plan and strategize the best marketing effort while knocking on office doors trying to sell prepaid phone cards.
A couple of years in, the only accomplishment that I can be proud of is knowing a big shot in the construction authority, who is now good looking, talented and knows what he wants, Waja for Waja, even though Proton will launch a Waja Replacement Model early next year, resembling Mitsubishi Lancer, i heard. Transfer 25% gaji kau kat aku every month bai.

Awang
is high on life. No syringe, no pills, nothing like that. Just old-fashioned get together with close friends, laughing uncontrollably at each other's jokes,which are actually not that funny except for my jokes which are hilarious that they shit their pants everytime I come up with something, literally. It's all good except when the laughing stops, the reality kicks in, at which point we ahve to acknowledge  that we are just a bunch of lonely guys desperate for any kind of attention with one of us is contemplating to come out of the closet, which we are all against as no gay fucks in their right mind would want to fuck him in the ass.

A
It takes two people to fly a kite, one to hold the string and the other ready to throw the kite up in the air. Coordination is the key. Pull the string too soon, you will break it, or get your palm burn. Release the kite when the other is busy lighting his cigarrette, the kite will end up on the ground, and you will have to say out loud, "Babi takde angin sial", but looking at your blushing face, people can tell you are just a city girl who has no clue.
Yes, you can still fly a kite by yourself, just be ready to run like crazy, and careful not to trip on something when you do. Or, take it to one of the beaches there, when u r not playing that sport? that u love , of course. The strong ocean wind will do great, the kite will be set on auto cruise in no time with little to no effort on your part. You dont have to but you can pull it lightly when it gets boring, and trust me it will. And it's ok to admire all the other fancy kites flying freely around yours, but dont get too close as you dont want to get tangled with serious problem later. Keep it casual and have fun.


Dah aaa... Blah.

They have been asking for my heart, or is it my liver, for quite some time now. Never mind that, they are all idiots. At least they keep me entertained while Im trapped deep inside what they call 'telaga asmaradana'.

When I built that wall around me not long ago, it was to protect me from another heart break which also an excuse for me to ignore people around me. And I kept on adding layer after layer until there was a little room for me to breathe. I was suffocating with no one to blame but myself. Good thing I left a key to a dear friend, who visited from time to time.

She would just sit there and smile while I complained about my shitty life, the injustice of the world etc. If she was like any other person she'd either kill me or herself (whichever easier), because the story I was telling was just too depressing and too much for one person to handle.

Occasionally she would take my hand, guide me outside, and teach me to see the world the way she sees it. And from that angle I began to see all kinds of possibilities and most importantly I could see that there's still Hope, if not here, maybe in some strip clubs.

She was the only person that I could open up to, be vulnerable with then. And slowly, with her on my side or in my fantasy, I was becoming friend with the world again. At the same time, my feelings towards her grew bigger and bigger, which might be the best explanation for the sudden ten kg increase in my weight, because I dont look any heavier.

In an effort to stop those feelings from messing up what we have, I've been trying to make myself comfortable in the 'friend zone' with her which was supposedly more than enough. That was the deal anyway. I knew her and myself well enough to accept the fact that she was way out of my league.





Fling or no fling (nak credit tak?), She has done a lot in getting me prepared to face the world again. Things now are back to normal, and some are even better. I get to play the never ending game of hide and seek with the 'blessing', even though I keep on losing (no surprise there).  

Most importantly, I have regained the function of my left brain, which enables me to say 'Hello World' in 37 languages. And after idling for a couple of months, I can get back to mastering .net, vb,c, AJAX, PHP, SQL, etc. Just the terms and what each of them stands for, to add to my bullshit vocabulary list so that I will be more convincing when meeting my prospective clients. And nothing is more calming than sitting in front of my computer writing lines and lines of stupid codes. And when I do, nothing else matter that even Maria Ozawa gets ignored, mosaic or not. What can I say, I am just a geek trapped inside another geek's body.

I think Fed Hi is cool, Not the vocalist, though. He sucks and is definitely not funny.

't' besar und.... ops... blah.

Wait. I dont need anybody to speak on my behalf. And when I talk to you, the message is meant for you, unless I tell you otherwise.Don't try to act all nice asking people to take care of me, cheer me up. They are my friends and that's what they have been doing. Sometimes a bit too much, though. But that's ok. They mean well.

The other night means nothing. Maybe for you it does but I have moved on long ago. Hard to believe, right? especially when you think so highly of yourself. I had to break my promise to my mom not to call you, just so that you'd understand what's going on, because it seemed like you didn't.

When I said that I'd hate you to the death, I meant it. And when I was looking for you the other day, I was really going to kill you. No bluff. No drama. Nobody threatens me with death. Lucky you weren't there. And if that boyfriend of yours want to 'introduce' himself to 'us' who are not sure what he is capable of, be my guest. And 'we' is not gonna be there. Just me. And you know where I live.

What you have done, to me, to some others, made you a bad person, that's a fact. Please stop looking the bad in other people, hoping you are not alone. You are just going to humiliate yourself even more. I have never planned to manipulate you, and people are not out to get you. We just want to move on with our lives. Please. The world doesn't revolve around you.

You have admitted what you did was wrong, and apologized many times for it. But its hard to find sincerity in that when you keep responding in rather unpleasant way to people who are just reacting to the situation, which is the appropriate emotion to what's happened. It's true that its none of their business but you sort of make it theirs starting with the shameless posting of you know what. If anything, your confession has only made it look like that you're actually proud of it.

Yes. I have been meeting other people, right after I have done everything to try save our marriage. You didn't expect me to just sit in my room, face on the pillow crying blood, did you? I have found someone in the process, an angel I might say, sweetest girl, who can magically make all my pain disappear. She doesnt even have to love me to make me feel special. Just her company calms me down and makes me forget to kill anybody.

Court date? Don't worry, it's coming. A bit complicated, but as I mentioned many times, I'll let you know if I ever need your help, and the court will be contacting you. And I dont know any judge to help speed things up. Just like you, I want this to be over soon. It's gonna be like a graduation to me, DARI SEKOLAH CINTA.

Last but not least, hmmmmmm.... ntah. Takyah la.


Blah.



ps: Esah, ko jangan tah plang cerita sama mamita n budak2 sm.esh. Heh. Palui.

The recovery process is now complete. Knowing how tiny we are in the eyes of Allah, I don't give a shit if somewhere there are two stupid little ants getting it on, making sugar of their own and seem very proud of it. I will stay in the line together with the other ants, marching towards the promised sugar, which I was told is super sweet and the best in town.


hatiku sudah rusak teruk,
pinjam dulu hatimu ya ?

Blah.

Yesterday during lunch, a salesman came up to me stealing my attention away from indo mi goring i was enjoying. In his hand a packet of tissues that I didn't really need as I was all cried out. In the other hand was a cane, and behind him a woman,his guide i suppose.

Normally I would ignore his kind, hoping that they'd go away. Not this time. I felt like I needed to give him something. Reaching my pockets, empty. In my wallet there was only a couple of reds, enough for petrol til the end of the month. But I still wanted to give him something. I remembered I had some ciggaretes left. So I offered him one. At least, I'd increase his chances of getting lung cancer, and cut his life by a couple of days/months/years short. So no more begging, faking blindness and tears. I'd do him a favor.

To my surprise, he refused. He's not used to L&M, he was Dunhill smoker. Wow, apparently, most people were wrong, beggars CAN be choosers. Maaaampusss aaaa....

At home, I couldn't get him out of my head. It got me into thinking about most people me included, how they are never thankful of what they have. But when life starts to be upside down, they start to get reacquianted with prayer mat, masjid, and Iqra', or Yasin. They cried and cried while performing prayers, reciting zikir and whatnot. asking Allah for assistance....... Then they come home, turn on their PC and watch Maria Ozawa getting all kind of medical instrument stuck into her every orifice. I'm talking about you Asrif.orgy. And yes, you too. Oh and you too.

That's the reality with us humans, the forgetful beings, when life is great, never once we wonder about the One who created us,providing us with all the things that we fail to appreciate. Suddenly comes His test, be it the death of your character in Gangsternation.com,broken relationship, caged tiger, etc, then we start to get closer to Him, pray to Him every second of the day, asking Him for strength and solutions to all of our problems. Once granted, we ask for more and more and more, and when we think we have enough, then we stop remembering Him. and we are back to being arrogant jerks that we are.

Not many people realize that whenever u r faced with difficult situation, it means that Allah loves u and He either wants to test as to upgrade your level of iman or as a kaffarah of the sins you have committed (so less punishment for you in the Hereafter). And it is already a blessing if we turn to Him for help regardless of what the outcome is. It means that He still wants us to remember Him. He knows what's best for us afterall.

Oh I haven't been able to explain what that blind beggar has to do with the last two paragraph. Ops,ops, writer's block. Think about it.

"Tak perlu mencari teman secantik BALQIS, andai diri tak sehebat SULAIMAN.
Mengapa mengharap teman setampan YUSOF, jika kasih tak setulus ZULAIKHA.
Tak perlu mencari teman seteguh IBRAHIM, andai diri tak sekuat HAJAR
dan mengapa didamba teman hidup sesempurna MUHAMMAD,
jika ada keburukan pada dirimu. Bimbinglah kekurangan itu sebagai keunikan, carilah kebaikan pada dirinya,
bersyukurlah kerana dipertemukan dengannya
berdoalah dia milik kita..."
Taken somewhere, a lot of websites have this so not sure who deserves the credit.

Mampoooosss aaaaa.....


Blah.